Oh man this is PRICELESS.
There was a story in the New York Post yesterday, about Michael Jackson's kids and their life at Neverland Ranch. I was about as interested in it as Amy Winehouse is in personal hygiene, but I overheard a co-worker (who read it) talking about something sweet he did for his kids last Christmas. I did a spit take so long and hard of my coffee that I had to refill, put the correct amount of sugar and cream, and take a sip, just so I can spit it out again. I pulled the article up and scrolled down until I found it:
Last Christmas Eve, Jacko and his dermatologist, Dr. Arnold Klein, -- the suspected father of the two oldest children -- arranged for Carrie Fisher to surprise the kids by reprising her role as Princess Leia in "Star Wars" at their rental mansion in Holmby Hills, Calif.
"Michael brought the kids down in their pajamas and said, 'This is Princess Leia,' " said family friend Stephen Price. "They were so excited! She did her famous speech for them -- the 'Help me, Obi-Wan' speech"
Somebody pinch me and then slap me across the face.
If I was a 14 year old girl, this is the part where I yell "Shut up!" and punch my BFF on the arm because I don't believe any of this actually happened.
I already have it pictured in my mind...
*Outside of Neverland Ranch Gates. Carrie Fisher is pacing back and forth finishing her 12th consecutive cigarette, muttering to herself.*
Carrie:
No way, no fucking way. Don't do it Carrie. Don't. You got a new book coming out, the one woman show thing is coming up. You don't need this. It's not worth it.
*Intercom*
Princess Le... I mean, Carrie, is that you?
Carrie:
Michael! Hello!... It's Carrie, heh... just Carrie.
*Intercom*
I was watching you on the security camera for the last half hour. I didn't want to disturb you, I thought you were getting into character. Then, I was alarmed, because I thought you were on fire...
Carrie:
No Michael, just smoking. Filthy habit, I know... Listen, I don't know if I can go through with this. I mean, It's a sweet gesture for your kids and all, but...
Michael:
I'll add another zero on that check I already sent you.
Carrie:
*Reflexively tries to scale the gates* Well, LET'S do this man!
*A buzz sound and the gates open - Carrie hops down, sighs, and then walks through, shoulders slumped. A few minutes later she is inside a Japanese themed media room waiting when she is startled by the appearance of an elegantly dressed, pale 12 year old girl in silk pajamas. It takes Carrie a moment to realize it is Michael Jackson himself.*
Carrie:
Michael, Hi!
Michael:
Hi Carrie, I'm so happy you came on such short notice! The kids have been watching Star Wars a lot lately. They loved Jar Jar Binks so much, but I couldn't get that guy who played him to come. The closest I could find was this Old Kentucky vaudevillian to come over and do a Jolsen act, but it just confused them.
Carrie:
That's... strange. So, they come down, I do a couple of lines from the movie... take a few pictures, and that's it right?
Michael:
Right! Now if you come this way, I'll show you where you get dressed...
Carrie:
I'm sorry, "dressed?"
Michael:
Oh yes. I got an original replica of the robe you wore. I even got that funny little man, Verne Troyer to move around in an R2D2 so we can make the scene more realistic.
*He motions to a corner where Verne Troyer is sitting halfway in an R2D2 costume, Visibly drunk with what looks like a little vomit on his chin.*
Carrie:
Oh, Michael I don't know...
Michael:
Carrie, If you're worried about your dignity, I understand.
Carrie:
You? Uh, REALLY?
Michael:
Yes. And to you I make a solemn pledge. As long as I live, NO ONE will ever find out about this.
*About an hour later, Carrie exits the Neverland Ranch gates, wearing a similar costume to what she wore in EPISODE IV. She is undoing some half assed "Honey Buns" type hairdo and clearly annoyed until SHE SEES IT: There is a Monster truck with the bed half filled with Cartons of Marlboro Light 100's and the other half bundles of cash. In the driver's seat is a shirtless Colin Farrell, smiling gamely.*
Carrie:
Jesus, he really DELIVERED!
*A smile spreads across her face and she strolls to the truck, whistling "Jingle Bells."
(Read the full NYP Article HERE)
I think I just peed myself. That's great.
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