32 Questions that Immediately required an answer.

People I know tend to HATE those inane quizzes on Myspace and Facebook.

Me?




I LOVE 'em.

Here is a recent one. (Apologies to those who "actually" wanted to know anything more about me.)

From Facebook:
Tell us about yourself quiz!

Do you see the glass as half empty or half full?
Lawrence Fishburne, wearing a long black leather trenchcoat just leaned over and whispered to me "There is no glass." I'm fine with that.
Who was your hero as a child?
Sal the Hero hero. He could make a mean ass sandwich.

What do you do for fun?
Ask people what they do for fun, then when they open their mouth to answer, toss a pre-chewed skittles in there and run away giggling.

Are you an outdoor or an indoor person
What's the term for someone who spends a lot of time using an Outhouse?

If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?
Get a second opinion from a Dr.
What 3 words would your best friend use to describe you?
Senor Clammy Hands. (I experimented in college)

Where do you see yourself in five years?
in the year 2014. Oh, and there will be hoverboards, but they will mainly be used for evil.

Get the number or give the number?
Make up the number.

Romance or Kinky?
I like a mix of both. Like, Rose petals on a sex swing.. whoa? TMI?

How do you feel?
Using my fingertips. Stop slapping my hand away, I SAW that look you gave me.
What size shoes do you wear?
Clodhopper XLLL

Water or 100% Juice?
I want 85% SKY Vodka and 15% Redbull. NOW! ("Daddy's an angry drunk.")

Would you rather be hot or cold?
lukewarm. But it does make me clammy to the touch.

Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?
Already did. Have you NOT SEEN the grocery prices these days?
Favorite Place to Eat?
I'm not that obese that I would eat an actual place. Unless you count, I guess a gingerbread house?
Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?
Other. I'm all about the Jugband Ho-downs.
What is your favorite clothing brand?
Z. Cavaricchi. You can NEVER find enough belt buckles.

If you had to pick one car, which would it be?
Aston Martin. Which, oddly is the same answer to my question WHAT DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME TO?

Your favorite Disney Films?
The ones where the two leads get together in the end and sing a song about it.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Cause he was stapled to the Dog. Kids can be cruel.

What was your last thought?
Is anyone gonna bother reading this?

Juice and crackers or milk and cookies?
Ritz and V8

Favorite fruit?
Nathan Lane

What is your favorite TV show?
LOST. Any show that can make the whole time travel thing plausible is alright by me

Kill the spider or let it out?
If this is a Euphemism for holding it in when you have to poop?

Do you shower every single day?
Define "shower."

Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?
Spare change IF he bests me in a thumb wrestling war.

What is your favorite food?
Cookies in the shape of Steve McQueen.

Do you read Harry Potter books?
Not so much read them as ESCAPE TO ANOTHER WORLD! *Singing READING RAINBOW SONG*

If you could have one super human power what would you choose?
The power to have time for naps.

Have you had a beer in the last week?
*stops drinking beer for a moment* I'm sorry, what?
What would you do if Michael Jackson asked you out?
Ask him what time the mother ship would be leaving and if I could touch the Elephant Man's pubic bone.
(This question was obviously asked AFTER he passed away. I stand by my answer.)

My Name Was Jonah.

First off, watch this brief video first before you read this blog: Click HERE

Seriously? Where did he get the idea I was a kid from Alaska? And if he emailed Jon Favreau about it, then where did he get the notion that I was DOGGING him? If anything, he's gonna get to work with Favreau BECAUSE of the back and forth banter we had. For anyone who hasn't already heard, I was the fake Jonah Hill, and below is a reposting of that blog confession that started this whole thing, WITH PROOF that I never dogged Favreau.

Do me a favor and retweet this blog, simply by telling your friends, family, and porn spammers to go to www.TheJohnBlog.net. It will take them STRAIGHT to this post. All in all, I'm disappointed in Jonah's lack of a sense of humor on all of this. I picked him to pose as, cause If I had to bet money on anyone who would be all about it and maybe play along, it was him.

The Guilty Party:

"Have you seen this? Some dude started a Twitter called OFFICIALJONAH."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, and there's one on Michael Cera, they're both obvious fakes, the tweets are lame and doesn't even seem like something they would tweet about."

"Yeah, it sucks when people do that, I can't figure out how it is anyone even falls for that crap."

"The fake Michael Cera has 25,000 followers."

(Spit Take)

"WHAT?! THAT many people buy into this? In the very least these guys should at least try to be funny, I would be INSULTED if I was a celebrity and someone was fake tweeting as me with inane shit like, 'I just ate some Chinese Food.' Do you know how hard it was for me to get my miniscule 120 followers? All these putzes have to do is claim to be a celebrity and that's it?"

"You're just jealous..."

"Look, I can be a more convincing fake than half these guys."

So...

On April 30th, 2009, A new Twitter account surfaced under the handle JonahHill_Jew.

In less than two months, I successfully convinced 3,000 Twitterers that I was Jonah Hill, He of SUPERBAD fame and inner circle actor/comedian of the Apatow Gang.

Who am I really?

My name is John and I live in Arlington, A suburb of Dallas/Ft.Worth Tx. I'm 33 years old, with a wife and two kids. I work a "Regular Joe" job in finance, Monday through Friday. I'm a humorist who struggles with finding ways to get his material out there, and just like everyone else with that same ambition, I wish I could do this for a living.

The first step in making the Fake Jonah blog was to not pick an obvious picture from the internet. Like a scene from Superbad or something like that. After a search through Google Images, I came across this one:

PERFECT.

Next, I made a background using a pretty funny picture from the Vanity Fair shoot, where Jonah posed as George Washington.

Then, I started tweeting. Simple observations making fun of Paula Abdul, Christian Bale, flirted with Elizabeth Taylor, stuff that got a good response from people. I did name searches of Jonah Hill and people were commenting on how funny "Jonah" was. It just kind of blew up overnight.

Then on June 10th, this was my tweet as Jonah:

"Random dude at the deli couple hours ago pitched me to redo GROUNDHOG DAY? A.) Why me? B.) Dude, that movie is sacred."

A few days later I found out that the half hour show THE DAILY 10 that comes on the E! Channel, posted this tweet.

This gave some validity to my claim to be Jonah.

Then, I reached out to comedian Doug Benson, who I really met in Austin a few years ago. I told him that I ran into him, as Jonah Hill before I was a celebrity. It almost backfired on me when he sent me a direct message asking me to tell him the "other" time we had met, to prove it was me.

Crap.

But, lo! The power of GOOGLE! I googled DOUG BENSON JONAH HILL and instantly, I was directed to a blog someone wrote about a DOUG BENSON CD RELEASE PARTY that Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen attended. I tweeted Doug the tidbit and he posted this response:


This newfound credibility from a comedian with almost 30,000 followers soon got me added by tons of new people, including Marlee Matlin, (Who I made fun of when she told me she loved "Superbad." "How funny could it of been when you can't hear it?" was my reply. In all fairness, that we cause I thought SHE was a fake. Oops.)

I got added by Nia Vardalos (Of My Big Fat Greek Wedding and the new flick My Life In Ruins.) She even corresponded with me via Direct messaging. It was surreal. The screenwriter of the most successful independent film of all time was talking to me about her days waitressing at a comedy club.

The best moment, though, came when I got a direct message from Jon Favreau welcoming to Twitter. For those of you who don't know Favreau, he was the writer and star along with Vince Vaughn of the movie SWINGERS and directed IRON MAN. His Twitter right now is made up of 90% IRON MAN 2 updates. But after awhile, he and I actually had some exchanges:


Sure, He thought I was Jonah, but it was still a dream come true in a way. I even managed to get one of my favorite comedians, Michael Ian Black to play along...
It was weird seeing so many people Re-Tweet my tweets as Jonah and calling them "Hilarious." These were the same kind of tweets being virtually ignored on my regular, Real person, real nobody Twitter account. It poses the question, Am I only funny because I'm assumed to be a celebrity?

The party didn't last long forever though. Soon, this Tweet came out:
Look below the Father's Day one...


Not long after that, E! Released this video: (Forgive the quality, I couldn't find a better snippet online, so recorded my own)




In all fairness, I only used the word 'Deli' cause 'Restaurant' would be pushing me over 140 characters. I'm no anti semite, The URL's for Jonah_Hill and JonahHill were gone, and I wasn't very creative.

It's weird. A big part of me was surprised I pulled this off. I did commit to it though! I looked up details of his currently filming movie "Get Him To The Greek" and dropped names like people who were key grips and lighting technicians... all to add authenticity to skeptics who may go digging around. I found tweets of people working as extras on the movie who reported where they were shooting and how excited they were to be a few feet away from Jonah, Diddy and Russell Brand. I sent out tweets mirroring these facts to add credibility.

I'll be honest. I got to the point of hoping that the worst case scenario would be that someone like Jonah Hill, a laid back kind of comedian/celebrity, would actually like the FAKE Twitter. I fantasized that I would be contacted and asked to keep the tweets going or collaborate with him on a project. What can I say? Fame, even Pseudo fame, clouds the mind.

I never planned on using this identity to do anything more than make people laugh. It truly is a drug for someone like me, who loves to make people laugh. I never planned on selling anything, scam anyone out of money. It was just to get the laughs. I started feeling bad when some witty retorts came along and I direct messaged people. It never occurred to me that I made someone's day leading them to believe that JONAH HILL just emailed them! I stopped sending direct messages not too long after this realization.

After I started posting tweets admitting I was a fake, I got responses from several people that meant the world to me. They were along the lines of "Meh. You are still hilarious!"

Someone posted a TWEET, and I'm paraphrasing, "That's so lame. Just be yourself." The funny thing is. I've tried that. My regular Twitter account has only a few followers (which I am GRATEFUL and feel blessed for.) and to prove a point, I posted the exact same Tweet this morning on my Twitter and the "Jonah" Twitter. I got nary a response on mine, but was called a "genius" on Jonah's.

So I'm back to slumming it as just me. I don't mind. I can still do my best to be funny and hope people follow eventually. Who knows. I'm thinking of writing a BASED ON A TRUE STORY screenplay. Something along the lines of BEING JOHN MALKOVICH, hoping Jonah would have the sense of humor to play himself. I don't know. Maybe someday someone will post a fake Twitter of me. I just pray it's not a lame one like the other Fake Jonah's.

If anyone wants to find me, follow me, curse me out, call me a douchebag. (All warranted.) You can find the jerk HERE:

http:www.Twitter.com/TheJohnBlog

The most surreal thing about this whole thing? I have a feeling that this whole charade is the only reason Jon Favreau reached out and met the REAL Jonah Hill for confirmation. If Jonah get's a meaty part on Iron Man 3, I'm gonna be looking for a cut.

- John